Darrell recently graduated from college with a degree in Business. At 23, he feels on top of the world. Born and raised in the Pacific Northwest, he sees an opportunity to use his degree and return back home to Oregon where his father ran a successful logging company for almost three decades. His dad has expressed interest in handing over the business to Darrell, and the son feels that he can transition the company into the modern era with improved technology and sustainable practices that do not deplete the environment. Most of all, however, Darrell is looking to bring Tori, his high school sweetheart, back home with him to start a family and live in the hometown where they both grew up. While the two were on-again, off-again during their time together in college, he remembers the conversations they had before moving away for school about how they wanted to come back home and start a family together after college.Tori is also a recent graduate of the same school as Darrell and is excited to get started with her career. While she was never really sure of what she wanted to “be” during most of her time in college, she took an internship during the summer before her senior year in government and really liked it. She did so well, in fact, that her supervisor recommended her to a colleague in New York City who offered her a job and a place to stay for the year. After visiting the city, she fell in love with it. She has had all of her senior year to decide on the move but has hesitated on bringing it up with her parents and Darrell. She knows what both of them will say and fears hurting them.Answer the questions below on the next page. Responses should be at least one page long and no longer than two. Make sure to provide strong evidence for your answer such as definitions of concepts, examples of them in the story, and potential conversations because of them.How does culture play a role in how the two see the world?Be specific with your reasoning and examples of supportIt feels like the two are drifting apart, yet they both feel some sort of connection or obligation to the other. Does a conversation need to happen between them? Be specific with what concept would help the two communicate clearerInterpersonal
D r. S ean F o u rney
S an F r an cis co S tate U n iv ersity
D e p ar tmen t o f Co mmu n ic a tion S tu die s
Chapter 1: Foundations of Interpersonal
1. Grasping the benefits of studying interpersonal communication
2. Defining interpersonal communication through its core concepts
3. Summarize the principles of interpersonal communication in
What’s wrong in this video? What’s
Why is this stuff important?
Understanding how and why people communicate on an interpersonal level can:
1. Clarify how relationships are formed, maintained, and terminated
2. Improve romantic, workplace, familial, and friendship bonds
3. Increase job performance
4. Workplace diversity
5. Achieve adequate health relationships
In other words, after taking this course, you should have a better vocabulary—and
therefore, options—for successfully initiating and responding to your relationships.
and its core
The verbal and
Break It Down!
Source-Receiver: this simply means that both communicators are encoders and decoders
Encoders form and send messages while decoders receiver and interpret messages
• They do not share this role equally, however, because we know that some people talk more than
• What we talk about is fascinating, too, because it gives insight into what we value as a culture
• Informer vs. Meformer
• Informers tend to distribute information and share news that is not related to them
• Meformers tend to communicate their thoughts, feelings, and attitudes in response to
• Which are you, and how does it relate to interpersonal communication?
Is this our society today? Hint: Know the difference
between intended audiences and remote audiences
How do we know what to
encode and decode?
Through Interpersonal Competence, that’s how
Whether observing others, being told directly, or simple trial
by fire, we know what is and isn’t appropriate to say (verbal)
and do (nonverbal) to certain people in certain situations
Explicit vs. Implicit Rules for Social Behavior
How should you behave at a funeral? A library? A friend’s
These rules are sometimes referred to as Social Norms, and
as we acquire them, we store them for future use in similar
situations. That is our interpersonal competence
Groups…Let’s Do It!
In your groups, write a response for each scenario:
How should you encode your communication when: (Groups 1-3)
• A child consistently ignores your requests to put down his toys when it’s time to eat
• You need an extension past a research project’s due date
• You want to ask out your crush but he/she already has a significant other
How would you decode other’s communication when: (Groups 4-6)
• A child consistently ignores its parents when asked to do what they want
• A student asks a professor in front of the entire class if they can have an extension
• A friend asks you to be more than just a friend
Intrapersonal Communication: Talking
We decode situations before they’ve actually taken place
Think about the previous exercise: We don’t want to be
perceived as coddling or too harsh with a child; we don’t
want to be perceived as publicly challenging an authority;
and we don’t want to jeopardize losing someone that we
already consider a close friend. Thus, intrapersonal
communication is the first part of interpersonal
communication. We talk with ourselves before we talk to
Interpersonal Competence is Cognitive
This means that we learn and add new ways of handling problems
through interpersonal communication
Code Switching is the process of changing either one’s language or style
to match the situation and gain acceptance
Think about how often you code switch:
➢With the young
➢With a significant other
At the bar
With the elderly
With a neighbor
With a general or specific
Model Continued: Messages
Stimulus signals that we send and receive through all of our senses
Messages demand attention but not every message receives attention
➢Messages sent and received in real-time (face-to-face, phone)
➢Messages that are sent, received, and responded to at different times
Which of these could you say has a script, and which doesn’t?
What could be the significance of looking at it this way?
Channels Mean A Lot
A channel is the medium through which a message passes, and it will often
determine how it is sent and received
For example, do you send the same message through email that you would over a
text? Why or why not?
Would you talk to someone face-to-face the same way that you do online? Why or
Does radio, TV, movies, and social media change the way a message is sent and
Today, employers want someone who can communicate effectively online as well
The Medium is the Message
What’s the difference between online
and offline communication?
The textbook’s Chapter 1 – Table 1.1 have a great breakdown of this
In general, offline communication is very rich while online
communication is lean
Rich – heavy on nonverbals, visuals, and dynamism
Lean – difficult to identify someone’s mood, appearance, personality,
interaction skills, and conversation is open for everyone to see
▪Communication is unlimited as each person controls the message
Turn that down!
A signal is information that you find useful
Noise is anything that distorts that information
Physical – external of the speaker and listener that includes your environment and its
Physiological – internal, medical barriers (hearing/visual impairments, memory loss)
Psychological – mental interference like bias, prejudice, extreme emotional states
➢This is a filter or selective perception that we all have
Semantic – when speaker and listener have different meaning systems
➢Jargon, lay person, communicating complex issues
➢Triangle of meaning
That was taken out of context…
Context is an environment that influences the form and content of your messages
Context can restrict or stimulate your messages because of:
Physical Dimension – the tangible environment where communication takes
place (buildings, homes, businesses)
Temporal Dimension – the timing of the communication (conversation,
Socio-Psychological Dimension – status and norms of our social behavior
Cultural Dimension – beliefs and customs of those around you
How is context important in these
Disclosing personal information about your relationship on
Breaking up with a significant other after he/she just lost a
Calling a friend to chat while at work
Kissing a friend in public
White Man (Assimilation)
Native Man (Diversity)
“Enjoy this little town”
“It is expensive and mean.”
“People made a living here.”
“People lived in caves for a 150,000 years but they
don’t do it no more.”
“Maybe your people did.”
“Yours did, too. They were the Indians at one point till
someone broke them down, made you into one of
them. 150 years ago all of this was ours till these
people’s grandparents took it from us. And now its’
being taken from them. But it ain’t by no Army. It’s
those sons of bitches right there.”
Reflects on the interaction. Acculturation taking
This man is fully aware of the overall culture of
capitalism that has subjected him and others. The
statement about the bank is pure Enculturation.
Chapter 3: Perception of the
Self & Others
Dr. Sean Fourney
San Francisco State University
1. Define key terms like self-concept, selfawareness, & self-esteem
2. Detail the five stages of perception
3. Explain impression management and
how one can harness particular images
through perceptive communication
▪ “consists of your feelings and thoughts about your
strengths and weaknesses, your abilities and limitations,
and your aspirations and worldview”
▪ The image that others have of you that you are
▪ The comparisons you make between yourself and
▪ The predominant culture you subscribe to
▪ The evaluations you make on your own behavior
Others’ Image of
You: The Looking
We can look at ourselves in the mirror, or “glass”
and see ourselves
▪ But we also see what everyone has been
▪ Step 1: We imagine how we present
ourselves to others
▪ We recognize that people judge our presence
▪ Step 2: We imagine how others evaluate us
▪ We internalize this evaluation
▪ Step 3: We develop a belief about ourselves
based upon that perception and judgement
▪ I look at myself in the mirror and see
that I’m skinny
▪ I think how others have and will
Think About It
▪ I now feel ______________
This is significant because it treats the
self, i.e., you, as an object that you can
externalize and work on
▪ I look in the mirror and see my dad
because that’s what everyone else
▪ I perceive that people are judging
me because of what he has done
and not what I am doing
▪ I feel that I’ll always be his kid and
not my own person
▪ I see a once great kid who’s lost his way
▪ “Somewhere along the way you stopped being
you” (seeing the other)
▪ “When things got hard, you looked for
something to blame.” (evaluating)
▪ “That’s what cowards do, and that ain’t you.”
Rocky is also treating his son as an “object” by
telling him what he sees, evaluates, and believes
because of it.
How will this affect his son?
▪“a measure of how valuable you
think you are”
▪Where do you get your self-esteem
1. Remove Self-Destructive Beliefs
1. The “land of the perfect”
2. Seek Nourishing People
3. Beware of the Imposter Syndrome
4. Work on projects that are doable
5. Smell the roses
1. How did you get here?
6. Secure affirmation
1. Self-fulfilling prophecy
▪Our culture can define what
Culture & SelfConcept
is and isn’t acceptable. This,
in turn, will affect how you
measure your worth.
Is this still true about men’s self-concept and self-esteem?
Who we think we are
Are we good enough?
Develops from considering the
Develops from evaluating “the
A change in self-concept means A change in self-esteem means
a change in how you feel others a change in how you evaluate
are treating you
Ex: I receive a reward for
teacher of the year. Now I start
to see myself as a teacher
because others recognize that
My self-esteem rises as “the
self” is regarded highly by
others. Therefore, it is regarded
highly by me.
▪ We “measure” ourselves with our peers to get a sense
of our worth
▪ We want to be similar or better because that enhances
▪ Technology allows this more than ever
▪ Social media is a fascinating way to measure
this. Research shows that women use social
media to compare themselves to others much
more than men
▪ But social media also gives us “scores”
▪ Likes, friends, retweets, comments, tags,
▪ the extent to which you know
yourself, your strengths and your
weaknesses, your thoughts and
feelings, and your personality
▪ Bruce can’t tell Vicki what?
▪ During the interaction, he talks about what is “normal”
▪ i.e., socially acceptable
the hidden pane
▪ The “hidden” pane protects him from revealing
what he believes others will not approve
▪ Thus, the process of moving information from the
hidden pane to the open pane is an interpersonal
process that must be with someone you trust and
who you know will not punish you for revealing your
“socially unacceptable” behavior
▪ Chris is a surefire basketball superstar
▪ Becomes an addict and commits crimes, sleeps on
the street, and neglects his family
▪ Today he is a successful advocate and speaker on
▪ “Who cares about basketball?”
▪ Chris had no way of knowing he would grow up
to not care about basketball. The unknown pane says
that through our life experiences, we practice
“reflexivity.” This means that we are critical of
ourselves and analyze our behavior for what we want
to keep, shed, and aspire to. In this case, Chris no
longer aspires for basketball but for humanity.
“the process by which you become
aware of objects, events, and
especially people through your
Perception is crucial to interpersonal
communication because it
influences the way you send and
a. We take things in through our 5 senses
a. Selective attention
a. Choosing to focus on only that which will
fulfill our needs
b. Selective exposure
a. Choosing to seek stimulation that only
matches your beliefs
Ex: Presidential Debates
▪ Placing the information we perceived into preformed,
readymade patterns of meaning
▪ Dogs = this shape
▪ People = this shape
▪ Ways in which the shape acts or performs
▪ Common understanding of what the stimulus
Ex: Music Genres, Skin Color, Sex
Where do we learn Organization?
When do we learn Organization?
▪We ask ourselves if the
organization of the stimulus
“made sense” or if it was
▪Normal = what we already
believe to be true
▪Abnormal = something new to
▪ Putting our interpretations into memories so as
to use in the future for quick decisions
▪ Memories create rules, scripts, and schemata
that are resistant to change. When we store
something that fits with our already existing
schemata, we reinforce it and make an even
stronger likelihood to use it in the future in
▪ When it doesn’t “fit” we tend to ignore it, lose
the memory, or distort it
▪ What are each candidate’s rules, script, and
▪ Did their organization “fit?” If not, how did you feel?
Who would you
▪ Could you see each person after you read their
▪ This is exactly what a hiring committee does when they
view your materials. They determine your “fit” based upon
the how they “organize” your “stimulus.” If they are
homogeneous, they expect one impression. If they are
heterogeneous, they can understand multiple impressions.
▪ “a variety of processes that you go
through in forming an impression
of another person”
▪ Self-fulfilling prophecy
▪ Personality theory
▪ Attribution of control
▪ a prediction that comes true because you act
on it as if it were true
▪ Think about how we judge new people and
▪ A positive outlook will cause you to explore
and gain new insights that make you feel
▪ A negative outlook will cause you to be
reticent and not gain much insight, if any
▪ the system of rules that tells you which characteristics
▪ We all have “rules” that tell us what characteristics
go with each other and which ones don’t
▪ Ex: someone who is energetic is seen as optimistic;
someone who is lethargic is seen as pessimistic
▪ These are according to your own rules and you tend
to think that your rules are the best
▪ This can also create a “halo effect” where we tend
to think that people with positive qualities must be
WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?
•Explain the principles of verbal messages
•Identify the differences between confirmation and
•Recognize misuse of messages in interpersonal
PRINCIPLES OF VERBAL MESSAGES
• Messages are packaged
• Nonverbal accompanies the verbal; we notice contradictions and unusual behavior in those around
us because the package is not what is “normally” exchanged
• Messages are denotative and connotative
• Denotative means there is an objective, agreed upon meaning (dictionary); connotative are the
feelings or emotions that accompany the message (subjective)
• Remember redskin?
• Culture influences connotative meanings
• Messages very in Politeness
• We want to be liked by people (positive face) but also retain our autonomy and express our rights
• Individualism vs. Collectivism
• Messages can deceive
• Lying is “the act of sending messages with the intention of giving another person information you
believe to be false”
• Prosocial (“great job” when someone failed); Self-enhancement (“I make 6 figures”); Selfish (“I have
never had a broken heart”); Antisocial (“No one likes her”)
• Messages have levels of assertiveness
• The degree to which messages advocate for an opinion or a directive
TAKE THIS QUIZ…NOW!
5=always; 4=usually true; 3=sometimes true; 2=usually false; 1=almost always false
1. I would express my opinion in a group even if my view contradicted the opinions of others.
2. When asked to do something that I really don’t want to do, I can say no without feeling guilty.
3. I can express my opinion to my superiors on the job.
4. I can start a conversation with a stranger on a bus or at a business gathering without fear.
5. I voice objection to people’s behavior if I feel it infringes on my rights.
20 < high level of assertiveness 10> low level of assertiveness
Assertive people speak their mind and encourage others to do the same.
Without insulting the other, they operate on a “I win, you win”
mentality and feel satisfied in interactions because they got the most
out of them. They also score low on scales of hopelessness.
Ex: Do you want to go out tonight? Where?
1. Describe the problem
a.Don’t evaluate or judge your message. Tell the other what the problem is.
2. State how this problem affects you
a. Tell this person what it has physically and emotionally cost you.
3. Propose solutions that are workable
a. Give them a solution that helps them save face and end the problem.
4. Confirm understanding
a. Get feedback that they understand what the problem is and how it is to be
“a communication pattern in which you ignore a person’s presence as well as
that person’s communications”
This is like telling someone that they aren’t worth your time and effort
This is NOT rejection because you have at least paid attention before
deciding to refuse the other
Hate speech USED to be disconfirmed but now is not unfortunately
Ex: “fine people on both sides” ageism, sexism, etc.
Does this happen in romantic, friendships, or family relations?
acknowledging the presence of the other person but also
indicate your acceptance of this person, of this person’s
definition of self, and of your relationship as defined or
viewed by this other person
Ex: dialogue, encouragement, understanding, responding
directly, engaging nonverbally through eye contact and
1.Is this woman confirming or disconfirming her
2.Verbal messages are packaged along with nonverbal
messages that fit on another. Why is this woman feeling
bad about not feeling bad?
3.What would be your advice for the woman?
GROUP CULTURAL EXPLORATION
• Who are the two cultures we are researching?
• What is my role?
• Interpersonal competence, code switching, channels, noise,
context, intro, conclusion, & works cited
• How will we share our documents?
• When will we practice?
• Due 3/19
MESSAGES ARE PACKAGED
POLARIZATION: UM, JUST AVOID IT
Describing the world in extremes and “either/or”
• Good/bad; smart/dumb; healthy/sick; rich/poor
• Polarized communication limits the amount of conversation because there’s nowhere to go
when you describe your world in few terms
• This affects us interpersonally because we forget the nuances and idiosyncrasies that link
• These are the “middle grounds” we use to connect with others when we talk about daily
life and how we get through it
• Polarization cuts that down into binary choices and alienates people
STATIC EVALUATIONS: WE ALL DO IT, SO RECOGNIZE YOUR’S!
retaining an evaluation of a person despite the inevitable changes in that person
• This can be cute and endearing “You’ll always be my little sister”; indifferent “You gotta
take the good with the bad with him”; damning “I’ve never trusted her”; and unflinching
“He will always have my love”
• We do this so we can know what to expect from those closest to us
• This is a natural reflex to retain some sort of memory for how to deal with that person
and people like them in the future
Can you say schema?????????
• Not every relationships needs to have a “static evaluation” but you do need to ask
yourself if you’ve allowed someone to show you if they’ve changed or not
SUGGESTIONS FOR USING GOOD COMMUNICATION IN
• Become more assertive by practicing your “I will, I can, and I am” statement
• Remember to be descriptive and not evaluative with others (know this difference!)
• Reflect on who you disconfirm and who you confirm in life. Are they deserving?
• Avoid Polarization
• Reflect on your Static Evaluation
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